I can’t imagine I’ll be posting here why I’ll be gone, so g’on ahead and switch over to the newbie:

theonlytennessee.posterous.com

A UW-branded debit card? Dumb. Still, I can’t find it in me to turn down anything Richard Karn endorses. Therefore, I want one.

Notable UW alumni I would’ve liked to see in this video:

• Rainn Wilson
• Joel McHale
• Naked Joel McHale
• Steve Pool
• Anna Faris
• Ken Jennings, if he hasn’t already been killed by that robot

Things that I don’t like about Valentine’s Day

• No one to go see Never Say Never with me
• Something about being an angry single lady! We are all so angry about it! Rawr!

Things that I like about Valentine’s Day

• The color pink
• Food in the shape of a heart
• Star Wars Valentines

He's no Garth Brooks.

And now I’m going to make one of these for each of my friends. You’re welcome, in advance.

I hate that WordPress will not let me embed this video

As you can see, Amy is the fun outgoing one and I am shy and easily embarrassed.

BFF and I have a new challenge for Webruary. Check it out on our self-masturbatory blog:

wearechallenged.wordpress.com

No. Keep the hat on, if you know what I mean.

Bear with me – I can’t embed this video because WordPress does not play nicely with services that maintain copyrighted content, but watch the subject of this post (Garth Brooks) on Vodpod. Alternately, you could do a search for the song on YouTube and find crappy-quality recordings of a live performance he did with Billy Joel at Shea Stadium where Garth does a smashing impression of Fred Durst.

This song is basically Garth’s way of saying that he, having been selfish in the bedroom his whole life, is so in love with me now that, for the first time, he actually wants to give a woman oral sex.

That’s my interpretation at least.

How much Garth Brooks-related material is in my browser history right now? You don’t want to know. Let’s just say that cowboylyrics.com now autocompletes in my address bar.

As someone who has watched this video A LOT, my favorite (read: most erotic) moments of this video are the teasing air fondle at 1:00 and the dramatic climax at 2:45. What are your favorite moments?

What I was really looking for was a clip from season 6 when Marge comments that something seems different about Bart and Homer responds, “New glasses?” Marge says no, she thinks something’s wrong, and Homer says, “Probably misses his old glasses.” Golden.

Anyway, the point is that I got new glasses, which is really not that big of a deal anyway since I hardly wear my glasses except on occasions when

• my eyeballs hurt from too much contacts
• my contacts rip apart from too much eyeballs

MEIN NEW GLASSES

I had to turn my head to the side to avoid glare and also my hair looks weird and also do I even own any other clothes?

My grandma passed away a few years ago, and sadly, my immediate family is still wading through the deeply frustrating drama that comes with death in a typically dysfunctional family. A few good things have come out of it however, like a collection of old family slides that’s literally been collecting dust over the years.

I tracked down an old slide projector on Craigslist, and last night, my parents and I clicked through a couple hundred of slides and several years of some of my mom’s more hilarious haircuts.

I learned some interesting things from looking through all these pictures. For instance, my mom’s first husband had the kind of facial hair I thought men only wore as a joke (sideburns that connect to the mustache? Yikes, mom). Also, before I came around, apparently my dad liked to take PG-13 pictures of my mom.

Some things cannot be unseen.

Your result for The 3 Variable Funny Test

the Shock Jock
(71% dark, 50% spontaneous, 47% vulgar)

Your humor style:
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | DARK

Your sense of humor is off-the-cuff and kind of gross. Is it is also sinister, cynical, and vaguely threatening to the purer folks of this world. You probably get off on that. You would cut a greasy fart, then blame it on your mom, and then just shrug when someone pointed out that she’s dead.

Yours is hands-down the most outrageous sense of humor; you like things trangressive and hardcore. It’s highly likely (a) you have no limits (b) you have no scruples and (c) you have no job. Ironically, it’s your type of humor that can make the biggest bucks in show business.

More on the other possible test results here.

How can you listen to that fiddle and just not fall in love? This guy is great. Pictures of young Garth Brooks after the cut.

So handsome!

Looks like he's ready to do some serious riding. (You're welcome.)

Sing it, Garth!

This one's too easy.