…And sitting in the library, which is why you are now being inundated with blog posts. So, here goes.
Guess what? I’m sarcastic!
- Being short is so awesome. Who needs to reach the stuff in my kitchen cabinets anyway?
- Having sex with sandwiches isn’t wrong if you both love each other.
- Opinions are like penises. Everybody has one.
A smattering of inappropriateness.
- Dinosaurs fucking robots
- “For the Ladies” by Stephen Lynch
- So-called “SFW porn” (hint: not really SFW at all)
In other news, I’ve had Gloria Estefan songs stuck in my head for the past 24 hours. Fortunately Gloria Estefan, like drunken people, only speaks the truth. We could all learn a lot if we listened to Gloria Estefan more. It’s like the things she sings about in her songs are so real, I really get her, you know?
My girl Gloria after the jump.
Filed under: School, Seattle | Tags: parking fail, snow, University of Washington, UW
It snowed last night, which, despite the many posts I have written about snow in Seattle, is still pretty unusual. Fortunately, I love snow, which really makes sense when you think about it, because I love a lot of things that are white (white chocolate, polar bears, white supremacy, etc).
One thing that I particularly like about the snow is that it always makes campus a little more beautiful and a whole lot more weird. For your viewing pleasure, here are some pictures I took on my craptacular camera phone to demonstrate the weirdness around the UW today.
This first picture captures a special secret mystery item in the middle of the pathway. Can you guess what it is?? (Hit the jump for the big reveal.)
Hark! What is that black speck over yonder..? (Please ignore the hipster college fucks in the background.)
As I’ve mentioned before, Gene Kelly is my old-timey boyfriend and I’m wildly and desperately in love with him, but who could blame me? Nothing turns me on more than watching a man who is now dead tap dance in high-waisted pants.
Anyway, I tweeted this video of him yesterday and it got a lot of hits, probably because I used the words “roller skates” and “badass” in the same sentence, which tends to make people curious.
Last night was one of those nights that pretty much captures how amazing my life is. Basically, I stayed up way too late doing a bunch of worthless crap, effectively giving a final “fuck you” to Independent and Happily Single Alicia, and ushering in a new dawn of Gently Weeping Alicia with Questionable Hygienic Habits… Okay, so it’s been a long time coming.
Alicia’s Guide to Masochistic Singledom*
- Watch old-timey romantic musicals. These are the most potent of all rom-coms, and so far have a 100% success rate of making me feel more sad and alone than ever. Most effective when watched alone in the dark wearing pajamas.
- Eat chocolate. This is a classic “coping with singledom” strategy that works every time. Most effective when done late at night before bedtime, giving you plenty of energy to lie awake in bed and think about your crippling loneliness.
- Make a playlist of songs you’d like to get married to. Make sure the songs are as sappy and lovesick as possible. Most effective if songs from the previously-mentioned musicals are included.
*All strategies are Alicia-tested, Alicia-approved.
Today is Mardi Gras, which is good, because now when I flash my boobies to strangers in public, I’ll get free Mardi Gras beads (nothing says “classy” like cheap, plastic beads on a string).
Just kidding. I don’t need any more reasons to flash people on the street. Causing traffic accidents is reason enough.
