After years of research and turmoil, scientists have reached a breakthrough with laser technology, developing what could be the ultimate way to use a laser: to generate random numbers. Quickly.
Unlike the complex Rube Goldberg machine that I built to generate random numbers, these “lasers” don’t take up my whole living room. Random number generators are be used in many situations such as computer simulations, statistics, and determining who gets to go first during board games… But how do you decide who gets to use the laser first!?? HOW!?
Or, How to take your laziness to the next level.
- Take a nap. When you wake up, you’ll feel much more lethargic, and therefore less guilty about being lazy. I personally recommend spontaneous naps where you fall asleep in the middle of doing something else, like watching Hannah Montana on the couch.
- Find useless things to do on teh intertubes. Digg, blogs, games, etcetera – just make it happen.
- Eat. Compulsive snacking is a lifestyle choice that shows that world that you’re here, you’re steer, get used to it! Be sure that you only eat food that 1) is within arm’s reach, or 2) requires no more preparation than microwaving/boiling water/making a phone call.
- Watch an entire television series from start to finish. Preferrably one that’s available online for free because everyone knows that channel surfing is for suckers.
- Make plans. You’ll find that a long-term commitment to laziness is often obstructed by cultural norms that place higher value on things like “hard work” and “self-respect.” Therefore, it’s always good to keep a list of things that you plan to eventually accomplish for when the normals come to hassle you.
- Get to know your friends. …By stalking them on Facebook. Hell, they don’t even have to be bona fide friends, just stalk someone on Facebook. Look through all their pictures, read all their wall-to-walls, and muse* over how you two have so many mutual friends.
*For those of you who have problems with words, note the correct usage of the word muse.
Filed under: Entertainment, Good times | Tags: porn, Sarah Palin, Who's Nailin' Paylin?
Last night I watched “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?” with friends while enjoying some good ol’ cocoa and peppermint schnapps. If you haven’t heard of this movie before, it’s a political satire about Sarah Palin (renamed Serra Paylin for the purposes of this film) as she preps for the election and worries about her tainted past. Also, they do it (it’s a porno).
Basically, Serra Paylin is at home when two Russians (whose tank has broken down) come a-knockin’; then they do it. Then her intern preps her on American history; then the intern and Mr. Paylin do it. You get the picture. The whole thing ends with an interracial, mature, lesbian three-way between Serra, Hilly, and Condi.
Needless to say, it was my first full-movie porn and I wasn’t impressed. What’s the point of watching a full-fledged movie when
- they don’t even stay in character during the important parts, and
- you can watch all the good parts online for free anyway?
Have you ever been to a psychic before? As of today, I have.
I drove down to Federal Way with friends Amy and Sarah because Sarah had an appointment with a woman named Lou, a psychic from Texas with bleached 80s hair, a buttload of blingin’ jewelry, and a fur vest. Quite the character.
As you’d expect, she said pretty generic things and made pretty generic observations. As you may not have guessed, she charged a BUTTLOAD of money for her twangy estimations: $3 a minute. Yes, that’s right, Sarah ponied up $90 for, what I considered to be, a load of balderdash. I said it: balderdash.
Afterwards, the woman gave us her business card. Turns out she’s got a Ph.D.c. (whatever THAT is) and that she’s a “Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist.” Which apparently gives her the right to charge you up the butt for her services, because a baloney psychic reading is worth it’s weight in cocaine mixed with powdered gold and diamonds.
Filed under: Bored, Family, Good times, Holidays | Tags: pirates, Text Twist, Yahoo! Games
Snow’s falling hard on the two-and-a-half feet already on the ground. We’re snowed in and my family is playing Wii Sports while I sip on some cocoa with peppermint schnapps. Life is good.
I’ve been playing Text Twist all day long (with the exception of playing in the snow followed by a several hour-long nap) and can we just talk about how the word “yar” is apparently a legitimate word? Also, I like the word “smarmy.”
Smarmy…
Text Twist panders to pirates.
