Be like the bluebird

As the number of years between now and high school grows bigger, I feel like I become more well-adjusted and satisfied with my life. Even though high school sucked in a lot of ways, the experiences I had in high school have really shaped the way I interact with people now and the friendships I have. For instance, my low self esteem causes me to feel threatened by other girls very easily, which is why I think I don’t have many female friends.

Recently, however, I’ve begun to suspect that perhaps I don’t have low self esteem - maybe I just have low esteem for everyone else. I know, I know, I’ve been watching too much Daria lately, but in all serioussness, it makes a lot of sense.

I have pretty reasonable self worth and, even though I often feel like I’m making a fool out of myself Bridget-Jones-style, I’m pretty good at shrugging off things that embarass me. Where things get a little foggy is trying to gauge what other people think of me. I generally assume that people feel luke warm about me, or that they don’t really care about me at all, which is fine. But when I really think about it, I feel like people would care about me if they knew me better… I’m a fun person! Well, other than the fact that I’m kind of boring. Other than that, totally fun, I swear.

So in that way, perhaps I’m actually a little conceited. I believe that I’m really awesome (which I am), but I think that everyone else around me is too dense to see that. Which is pretty hypocritical of me, because I usually don’t warm up to people until after I have known them for awhile and they have proven that they are worthy of my friendship (not really, but kind of).