Filed under: Holidays | Tags: bad Christmas gifts, Feliz Navidad, I suck, Merry Christmas
I wrote up this whole long post about Christmas and getting stupid gifts, and then I realized that it was almost as stupid and unfunny as I am in real life. That being said, it’s easily the most productive thing I’ve done all day (unless you call watching four episodes of MythBusters being productive), and I figure a shitty post is better than none at all.
So read on for a terrible, boring post!
My "before" picture, when I was skinny and hot.
(Note: Normally, I’d try to come up with a superior post full of witty, sarcastic observations about Christmas, but I am le tired, so I’m going to be busy napping for at least the next hour.)
I hate Facebook Chat for so many reasons, just attempting to commit them to paper (or screen, really) makes me feel like I’m going to explode with anger. An anger that can only be calmed with a sammich.
Off the top of my head, here are some of the most infuriating things about Facebook Chat that really take the phrase “fucking stupid piece of shit” to the next level.
- When you are attempting to hold more than one conversation at once but the stupid UI makes it impossible to do so without having to click, like, a thousand times plus infinity.
- When Facebook Chat decides that the only thing you could have meant by placing that particular punctuation next to that closing paren is an emoticon, and thus takes it upon itself to auto-replace the characters you have purposefully typed with its own bastardized rendering of human emotion.
- When you stay signed in to Facebook Chat because you’re hoping for one of the really hot guys you’re stalking to sign on so you can message him, only to be messaged by a thousand annoying people.
- When you have something really witty to say, but instead of sending your message, you get some stupid blinking status bar that delays the sending of your message until long past its cleverness expiration date so now you’re the person at a party who sat around thinking of a funny response for like 10 minutes and then when I finally said it, everyone looked at me like I was an idiot.
And we’re both Korean. I mean, I don’t have totally cut pectorals and rock hard abs that, when covered in sweat and blood, glisten like some sort of delectable, mouth-watering candy…
Where was I again? Oh yeah.
I saw Ninja Assassin tonight and I would recommend going to see it if you like watching people’s faces get off, because [SPOILER ALERT] that happens a lot in the movie. Conversely, I would not recommend going to see it immediately before eating a steak dinner.
This is the part where I’d tell you more about the movie, but there’s not really a lot to say. If you couldn’t tell by the title of the movie and the trailer below, the movie is about this ninja who assassinates people with, you know, katanas and shit. Some people get totally f-ed and die, but not the good-looking ones, so that’s good.
Filed under: Fashion, Good times | Tags: long johns, long underwear, sandwiches
…Because I can only keep wearing this one pair every night for so long.
Ever since I discovered long underwear, my life has seen dramatic improvements. My skin has cleared up, I’m sleeping better than ever, and I’m only crying myself to sleep every other night. I’m a lucky, lucky girl.
What’s the best thing about long underwear, you ask? You mean, other than the fact that they’re like a second skin made out of unicorn hair and smiles that is constantly making sweet, sweet love to my actual skin?
The best thing about long underwear, my sad, deficient friends, is that they’re comfortable and welcoming like sweatpants, but unlike sweatpants, they’re not pants. It’s like someone’s taken my dreams and turned them into a reality. Now if only I could get someone to turn that erotic sandwich dream into a reality as well…
Looks like I got very close to updating right around Halloween, with a post titled
Erotic haunted house, where dreams come true
Comedy gold. Just think of the many gems you’ve missed out on because I haven’t been updating my blog all these months. Man, sucks to be you.
Expect some hilarious classics in the coming weeks, like sandwiches, nobots!, kittens, Ethan sucks, and pathetic whining, plus some great new hits:
- Living With a Girl: Adventures Without Pants
- Working For A Company Whose Name My Friends Still Giggle At Just Because It Has The Word “Box” In It
- Funemployment, or Life as a College Grad During a Recession
- I’ll Provide the Wine, You Provide the Shrubbery Outside Your Apartment (sorry Amy, for puking in the shrubbery outside your apartment)
